2.Ocean's Eleven (2001) : Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis Jnr; how could you go wrong? By getting pissed every night in Vegas. The original was ‘pure shite’, but the idea was golden: cram as many fast-talking, fabulous suit-wearing, suave, Hollywood A-listers into every shot and play Elvis tunes whilst they rob a casino. George and Co’s remake was therefore choca with so much eye-candy, that audiences lapped it up faster than you (and all your drunken mates) could say: “How hard do you think it’d really be to rob a bank?” Feel-good, fabulous-looking, witty and with enough twists to keep the Guardian readers happy – perfect.
3.Heat (1995) : Michael Mann is the first person to have put Hannibal Lecter onscreen – in the shape of Brian Cox in Manhunter – but less well known is that his moody copy flick Heat is pretty much a remake of his own 1989 made-for-TV film LA Takedown.With Al Pacino and Robert De Niro at their very best, it is one of the best bloke films of the past 20 years, although Val Kilmer, as with most things, adds an unmistakable touch of the naff…
4.The Thomas Crown Affair (1999) : Proof that Pierce Brosnan doesn’t need Bond to be cool, this achingly suave flick has the Brit as a multimillionaire who likes to nick paintings on the side. Rene Russo, just about the right side of 50, is convincingly sizzling as the insurance babe out to catch him, and we also get to see her tits. Which can’t be said of Faye Dunaway in the 1968 original.
5.3:10 to Yuma (2007) : By no means a slouch, the 1957 original of the same name somehow lacks the brooding sense of menace of this big-budget remake, which starred Christian Bale and Russell Crowe and managed to put you back into 19th Century America like no film since Unforgiven.Crowe’s ruthless armed robber is a lesson in cinematic villainy, while Bale gives a wondrously subtle performance as the proverbial righteous sucker looking for justice.
6.Ben-Hur (1959) : Coming in at just under four hours, this monumental tale of piracy, leprosy, chariots and religion was made twice before Charlton Heston stepped into the title role and chewed his way through ancient Rome. The first effort, in 1907, was a one-reel silent version, but MGM had another bash in 1925, with a similarly soundless 143 minute attempt. It doesn’t matter: it’s William Wyler’s 1959 version that gets shown every Christmas, and apart from some mind-numbingly dull lovey-dovey guff, it still rocks.
7.Cape Fear (1991) : Long before Robert De Niro was making us chuckle, he was a serious actor who knew a thing or two about crafting the perfect movie villain. In Cape Fear, the slow, dark Scorcese thriller which was a 1991 must-see, he gave us Max Cady, a tattooed ex-con out to exact his revenge on a lawyer. To be fair, Robert Mitchum in the original is worth seeing, but De Niro owns this film in a way that leaves you awestruck.
8.The Blue Lagoon (1980) : In 1980, the only way to see filth was to imagine it or find a stash in a hedge, so when this tale of clothes-optional free love on a desert island came out everyone wanted to see it.It’s a bit freaky – basically, two shipwrecked kids growing up together and then knobbing the minute they feel the urge – it nonetheless featured Brooke Shields’ naked jubblies (well, a body double’s) and piddled all over the 1949 original which was predictably light on fanny.
9.Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988) : Basically a remake of a 1964 film called Bedtime Story, this magnificently watchable comedy set on the Med features stellar performances from Michael Caine and Steve “I Used To Be Funny” Martin as a pair of conmen trying to fleece a woman out of her fortune. Martin’s scene as “Ruprecht”, a mentally-retarded simpleton who likes to stick his fork in his eye is still pant-wettingly funny.
10.The Postman Always Rings Twice (1981) : Based on a 1934 crime novel by James Cain, this was made in 1939 in French, in 1942 in Italian, and then in 1946 in Hollywood, but it is the later, seminal Jack Nicholson and Jessica Lange version that wins all the plaudits. The plot’s simple: a bored fox is lured into a plan by a passing sleaze to kill off her husband. Cue violence, tension, and most importantly of all, a sex scene on a kitchen table that was reputedly the real deal.
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